Yes, bullying is still a major problem in schools, workplaces and even in your own neighborhood. I need to make this clear:
It will not go away with the efforts 99.9% of consultants and risk managers are using today. Why, they want your money, not results that work.
Bullying is here to stay unless that is you want to actually face the critics and walk thru the fire. Let’s look at how to solve bullying once and for all. You won’t like the answer, but honestly, it is the only way. As Ryan Holiday says the Obstacle is the Way.
Communication Doesn’t Work
Communication is the answer to all things in life. Read any self-help book or business book and you will quickly see that communication is the main thread running through all of them. Whether it is the communication from your own inner little voice or between you, your friends, colleagues, investors, board members, students, etc… It doesn’t matter. You can’t get away from communication.
Unfortunately, communication doesn’t work in bullying situations because of one small fact. You have to be able to back it up. That’s right, you have to have integrity. You have to be able to keep your word. You have to be able to act on what you say you will do. Most people don’t. Most people can’t. Why????
Why victims don’t communicate
The answer is simple really. This is the part you don’t want to hear. This is the obstacle. People who are bullied don’t have fight skills. They are in physical danger and they are afraid of being hurt. They don’t have what it takes to back it up. They can’t back it up.
You can use all of the assertive communication you want, set boundaries, and report bullying. It all ends when the school bus drives away and you standing toe-to-toe with the bully. It’s go time. It is that visual that keeps victims from speaking up. It is that visual that keeps them from getting out of the victim loop.
The Answer is Fight Skills & Assertive Communication
Yes, it’s hard to swallow. The answer is fight skills. It’s the base upon which confidence and communication are built. Without fight skills, the victim cannot stand up to a bully. If they have fight skills they have confidence in that arena. They then can use communication to set boundaries and tell the bully how it is going to go. If the bully encroaches on the boundaries, the victim can then enforce his/her boundaries. It’s as simple as that.
The Myth of Fighting
Here’s something to keep in mind. People who learn to fight usually don’t unless it is the last resort. I know many risk managers don’t want to create a school of fighters, but you shouldn’t worry. Learning to fight is a humbling experience. It shows you the physical power that people have and what can really happen. And that is plenty to keep you humble.
Check out our assertive communication courses and our fight courses. And yes, bring back the sport of wrestling.